The 30 days of kink are done. While it hasn’t helped with the story writing, it has helped me sort out some things in my head, so that’s good. And the story writing needs to wait while I deal with a lot of life stuff in the next couple of weeks anyway.
But there have been a couple of posts from fellow bloggers in the last couple of days which have sparked some thoughts. So I’m going to post those when I need study break for the time being.
The first is a post entitled “The Depravity of Younger Generations.” The basic question is why so many young women in particular expect/demand BDSM inspired/rough sex. Sex to such and extreme that very, very few men would ever even ponder consenting to do, let alone enjoy doing, to another person in general, let alone someone they cared for.
And I get the frustration. But I also get where the fantasy comes from, and what I want to talk a bit about.
The reality is that we live in a world where women’s worth i strongly attached to their physical appearance and sexuality. We are told that is all men are thinking about is sex, that what they want is a girl who is willing to do anything in bed, that if we aren’t willing to live out a guy’s fantasy, he will just move onto the next girl who likely will act out that fantasy for him. Additionally, there is a message out there that in order to keep a guy interested in being in a relationship in general, the only way to do that is through making sure he is sexually satisfied.
And all of these messages are shared at lightening speed in the last generation through the internet – especially with invention of web enabled phones which have the information available at any place, any time. This access to information for the general public also makes it more and more available to younger and younger people. Teens who are curious about sex. Wanting to just know how it really works. Trying to figure out if they are really ready for it or not. And BDSM themes sights are easily available when searching for such information.
And heck, you don’t even need to be trying to figure out sex. I came across my first BDSM site in searching for images for a worship service at my church. The only “security” any of these sites generally have is to agree that you are an adult and legally allowed to view such images. Additionally, you don’t need to go to specific porn sites. Wordpress is an excellent example. Thus, software which blocks the traditional porn addresses is not as effective for parents as they would like it to be.
So why are women, especially younger women, demanding the more and more extremes of kink? Because more and more this is what they are seeing as “normal” when the search the internet for advice and answers. It’s not complicated if you really stop to think about it for a moment. But the solution is. This didn’t happen overnight nor will find its way back to center overnight.
However, if you want to be part of the solution, start having real conversations about the balance between reality and fantasy. Talk about how the real relationship actually makes the kink aspects more intense. Educate yourself as to the beyond crazy sex stereotype aspects and then educate those you run into who think that is what it is all about. And a plea especially to the guys out there – when girls use the promise of crazy, kinky sex, prove yourself better than the stereotype of your gender and offer to buy them a cup of coffee and have a conversation with them, show them they are worth your time and attention even if they never, ever sleep with you.