I have spent my entire life worshiping in a Christian church.  My faith is a significant part of who I am and who I will continue to be.  But the Christian church needs to address some serious issues when it comes to sex and relationships.

A big part of what I’ve been told as a female for as long as I can remember in the church is that it is not what is on the outside that matters, but what is on the inside.  That beauty is more than skin deep.  That looks will fade but character will last forever.  That faith is the most important thing and so long as you are faithful to God, you will be rewarded with a husband who is a good guy and you will have great sex.

I’d like to call the Christian community on their bullshit.  And yes, I realize the chances of the Christian community finding this blog are slim but give me a break, I’m venting here folks!

I’ve been active in my local church since I was a kid going to Sunday school and youth group.  I’ve worked in a couple of churches.  I’ve been a key, active volunteer in a couple more.  I’ve coordinated regional youth events for multiple churches.  Not a single date.

I’ve joined dating websites, put my church stuff front and center.  Talked about how important faith is to me, how I want to be able to share that with someone.  I’ve talked about wanting to travel and explore the world.  As soon as they see my picture and realize I’m not now, nor will I ever be, a size six model, its crickets.  I recently put up a new profile which was clear in stating my body type as a BBW on eharmony…..one message.

And then there is my profile over on fetlife.  No picture of me posted there (for obvious reasons), a clear note on my body type, and yet I’ve met a handful of really amazing guys for whom it isn’t an issue.  So long as I’m happy and striving to be healthy.  They truly are interested in the person, and not just a trophy to show off.

It’s ironic that these guys who I have been warned away from, been told that they must be horrible monsters with no respect for women because they, likely, have seen porn, are the ones which make it clear that beauty is so much more about who a person is than what they look like.  It’s ironic that they are more a tangible example to me of Christ’s love than the guys I’ve met in the church.  It’s ironic that the people I’ve met there are more real and honest about themselves and their struggles than most of the people I’ve met in the church.

So church, shape up and be honest with yourself.  Stop claiming that physical appearance isn’t a top priority when your actions say otherwise.  Stop claiming you don’t wonder and struggle when you clearly do.  And stop claiming to be a place of grace, where it is save to talk about such things when you take that information to shame people back into silence.  You have so much to offer, if you’d just get out your own way and truly follow Jesus’ example.

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