I Get It Now

I have to admit, for years I have always looked down a bit on those “give in” and have sex before marriage.  ‘Just control yourself.  You aren’t animals,’ I would think to myself.  Then again, its easy to preach self control when your sexual experience amounts to a handful of first dates, a couple of obligatory pecks on the cheek, and personal time with the internet, fingers and a vibrator.

But I’ve met someone and we are venturing into the world of real life, semi-long distance relationships.  I was recently able to be with him for an all too short weekend.  It was wonderful.  Better than I could have imagined it being.  And oh so tempting to just throw caution, safety, conversation, and common sense out the window.  Even now, I’m thinking that if he were to walk through my door I would waste very little time before getting naked.  For today I feel an urgency in my want to be with him once again.

And so today I have to admit that I get it now.  I get how easy it can be to get swept away in a moment and the work required for at least one person to keep a clear head and stay thinking while we are together.  And today, I must apologize and beg forgiveness of all those who I was less than gracious with then the moment got the best of them.



One of Those Girls

The first time she had come across a porn blog, she quickly clicked away.  To read stories was one thing but to see images was another thing entirely.  To read a story was daydream and imagine.  To read a story was imagination.  But to see a photo….

To see a photo, or gif, or even a video made it real.  Made the possibility of it, if even a small possibility, real.  So she clicked back the safety of stories.  But stories and imagination can only take a person so far.  Eventually she had to choose.  She could walk away, block the sites and lock the stories and fantasies in away in her brain, or catch a glimpse of how those stories might play out in real life.  To see what the various toys actually looked like and confirm that people actually used them on themselves and others; that was the temptation she was fighting against.

And that was the temptation she eventually lost.

But as it goes with all slippery slopes, the images could only hold her curiosity for so long before she began to wonder what it really felt like.  Some of it was easy.  The pressure and presence of the rope, the waiting for the ice to melt as she felt herself growing wetter and wetter.  The clothespins and the vibrations on her clit.  The torment of edging and the release of going over the edge.  These things were intriguing and easy to do, easy to hide away when friends would stop by.

But still darker pleasures beckoned.  Deeper, more well-hidden desires still yearned for a way to be expressed.  The images on her screen fuelled her imagination.  But the fear of discovery kept her from pushing herself any further.  And so she would read the stories and browse the images, wondering what it would be like to be one of those girls.

Then she met him.  It was an average day for them both.  She was out for a walk to clear her mind and he was enjoying a bit of sunshine and green grass during his lunch break.  She shyly smiled and said hello as she sat down on the grass to enjoy the day as well, taking her current book out of her bag as she did so.  He nodded back and watched her out of the corner of his eye while she settled in.  While he tried to be annoyed that she had interrupted his quiet lunch with her presence, he found he didn’t much mind her sitting a few feet away.  She wasn’t chatty and was clearly focused on what she was reading.  And it was a great spot.  Not out in the open so you didn’t run the risk of getting asked to move to an impromptu game of Frisbee popping up.  Yet not in the trees so you could be out in the warm sunlight for several hours.

Just as he was about to pack up the remainders of his lunch to head back to work, he saw the baseball heading their direction.  A game of catch had started a little way away and the latest thrown had gone awry.  And while he saw it coming, she did not.  “Damn it,” he muttered under his breath as he attempted to lunge forward and catch the ball before it hit either one of them.  And while he did catch it, he also tripped over his feet landing just in front of her.

She jumped as he fell, startled at being yanked out of the world of her book.  “What?!”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you, just didn’t want you to get hit.”  He showed her the baseball which had been about to land on her head before turning around and throwing it back to the teens and reminding them to be more careful.

“Oh, thank you.  I totally didn’t see it coming.  I guess I was too caught up in my book for my own good.  I’m Elissa by the way.”

“No problem.  I’m Greg.  What are you reading that has you so focused?”

“Oh just something for a project I’m researching.”  She showed him the book title, Victims of Abuse and How they Relate to God.

“That looks….heavy.”

She left out a small laugh as she nodded.  “Yeah, that’s a good word for it but it’s also insanely interesting, at least to me.  But even it couldn’t compete with the weather today.  It was just too beautiful to stay inside and study.  I hope you don’t mind the small invasion into your space.  It is just so perfect.  Well, except for the wayward baseballs!”

“No worries, I get it.  And besides, it gave me a chance to be sure I did my good deed for the day by saving your life from said wayward baseballs.  And if you ever have need of my services again, you should call.”  He handed her one of his more detailed business cards which included his personal cell phone number.  “I’ll be happy to stand guard on beautiful sunny days for you any time you wish.”  And with that, he had left to go back to his office.

She looked at the card he had handed to her.  Gregory T. Fraser, President, Future Funding, LLC.  ‘Great’ she thought to herself, ‘a wall street, workaholic, wannabe.’  She tucked it into her bag, intending to throw it away when she got home but about it as she dived back into her book.

A couple of days later she found herself once again at the park to study.  After settling in, she was once again startled from her concentration when a Frisbee was blocked from hitting her.  As she looked up to thank her savior, she gasped to realize it was once again Greg.  “Elissa, right?  I thought I told you to call if you needed to be saved from flying objects in the park?”

“You told me to call you for baseballs.  That, clearly, is a Frisbee.”

He laughed.  “Fair enough.”  He turned and tossed the Frisbee towards the teens who had lost it.  “May I ask what you’re reading today?”

“Yeah, sure.”  She showed him her current book, a discussion on the difference and relationship between magic and faith.

“Interesting.  Mind if I join you for a bit?”

“Go ahead.”  She gestured for him to sit next to her.  From there they started talking about everything and it wasn’t long before they were dating and then engaged.  Admitting to Greg the images and stories which intrigued her had been one of the hardest things Elissa had ever done.  But he wasn’t surprised.  And he shared his own interests and curiosities.  So they started exploring and learning together.

They shared images of what turned them on and discussed why.  Greg revealed in the challenge of getting to know the details of Elissa’s body, what worked and what didn’t, and wanted to see just how high and far he could push her arousal before her body took her over the edge.  He loved knowing he could leave her too tired and exhausted to walk or even really talk.  He loved seeing her let go and just experience, seeing her without the walls she had so carefully built up to protect herself from the world.  And Elissa flourished knowing there was one part of her life where she could just be herself and be completely loved and cherished for it.  She loved leaving reality behind and knowing she could trust Greg to catch her on the way back down to earth.  She loved never knowing for sure what was coming next but being able to trust that Greg had her best interests in mind as he pushed her body to new heights.

And so they started adding toys to their experiences.  Benwa balls and butt plugs.  And tonight’s addition was the nipple clamps.

Elissa had been instructed to put the benwa balls in a couple of hours earlier as well as the anal beads.  They had then gone for a walk, the objects bumping up against sensitive nerve endings, building her arousal slowly and steadily, leaving Elissa panting a bit by the time they returned home.  Taking her back to the bedroom, he had yanked her top and bra off and played with her nipples until each one stood at attention before gently attaching the clamps.  Telling her to leave the bra off, he had her put her top back on and they went out for another walk.

The chain between the clamps caused them to pull down just enough to prevent Elissa from forgetting about the ache they caused.  As they walked, the ache slowly added to the arousal building in her core.  By the time they returned from the second walk, Greg was pleased to see that every once in a while her hips would jerk, her ability to control and hide her arousal losing the battle it was fighting.  Night had mostly fallen and so he pulled her into the darkened living room, leaving the curtains to the patio doors open.  “Stripe.”  One word was all he said.  She pulled off her jeans and top, standing before him with her hips involuntarily giving a little jerk, her face flush with desire, and unable to keep hide the shaking in her breath as she tried to fight to maintain control over her arousal, the chain dangling between her heaving breasts.  He pushed her gently down to her knees in front of him.

Tipping her head up to look at him, he asked, “So, is my girl a bit horny?”  She nodded.  He laughed gently.  “I suppose you should get me prepared to do something about that, should you?”  She reached up and undid the button to his jeans, lowering the zipper and pulling them down his legs.  Next she pulled his boxers down, fully releasing his rapidly hardening cock from all of its constraints as he stepped out of his clothes.

She took him into her mouth, working as much of it in as she could before he took a hold of her head with his hands and pushed it deeply into her throat, hitting her gag reflex.  “Just remember to relax your throat,” he encouraged her as he pulled out for her to catch her breath before pushing back in again.  He was tempted to cum in her throat but he knew he was desperate to be fucked in her pussy after the balls had been in there for so long.

He pulled out of her throat and walked around behind her as she tried to catch her breath.  He pushed her down on all fours as he positioned himself behind her.  He gave a little tug on the ring at the end of her anal beads, and then one at the end of her benwa balls, each causing her body to tremble with a jolt of arousal to her already sensitive state.  As he slowly pulled out the beads, he could feel the struggle she was fighting against her body.  So desperate to cum but unable to without his permission.  As each of the benwa balls popped out of her slippery cunt, both now covered in her juices, she gasped and moaned, her hips thrusting back against the sensation, looking to connect with the object they assumed was fucking her.

He used his finger to tease her sensitive ass while whispering in her ear, “Beg for what you want, my dirty girl.”

Another jolt of arousal went through her system with those words.  “Please sir, oh please for the love of all things holy, please fuck me.  Please use me.  Please fuck me hard and deep.  I need your hard cock in my pussy sir.  Please, sir.  Please fuck me with your cock.”

As she begged, he slammed into her cunt causing her to cry out.  “That’s right, my dirty, slutty girl.  Take all of it.  I’m going to fuck you so hard you won’t be able to think when I’m done with you.”  And with that he began to fuck her hard and fast, pushing her over the edge as he commanded her to cum repeatedly.  Pumping his cock in and out even as he went over the edge, filling her with his cum as he pushed her head to the ground.

And as he fucked her from behind, her clamped tits pushed into the carpet, being dragged back and forth with his trusts, she couldn’t help but remember that, should someone snap a photo through the open windows out to the patio of her at that moment, it would be a near exact replication of the image she had just shared with Greg a couple of days ago.  She realized she was one of those girls from the photos and images.  And with that, she felt herself impossibly cum once again as she was completely consumed by the lust and arousal within her.



She hated to admit it to herself, but seeing that he had messaged her caused a thrill to be felt deep inside her core.  It had been that way from the first message he sent.  A reply to a bit of a reckless moment of posting a story online.  It was eerie at times how well he could predict her thoughts and reactions.  And it had drawn her irresistibly in.

Now he had a shopping list for her.   She had thought about maybe purchasing a proper vibrator for once, and that was on the list, but so were some items which made her involuntary swallow nervously.  For the first time in a long time she was thankful that her friends would never be seen in such a store as she was being sent to visit.  No one had any clue of her secret emails back and forth with this stranger and she was determined to keep it that way.  It was her secret.

Stopping in the store turned out to be more fun than she had anticipated.  Sure, it had taken her walking by a couple of times to gather up her courage and go in but she was thankful that it was actually in a nice part of town with a discrete section in the back.  The sales team was well trained to put people at ease and not let customers sense any sort of judgement or surprise on their part in helping with the purchases.  They asked just enough questions to let her know they were there to help but not so many as to make her feel uncomfortable.  They didn’t question her story of buying gifts for a bachelorette party.

Now she was home and he had another message for her.  Insert the benwa balls.  And edge.  Repeatedly.  Indifferently.

She sat on her bed contemplating her next steps.  For all of her writings and fantasies, she had zero real experience with sex or sex toys.  She had bought the smallest ones they carried, knowing she would be tight.  The largest she had ever been stretched was at her annual pelvic exam and that was painful.  These would stretch her more.  Would they fit?  Could she push them in?  Could she stand the pain?  Did she want to?  Or was it too much?  Should she tell him it was too much and cut off the emails?

She took the balls out of the package and held them in her hands.  Feeling the weight of them.  Feeling the smooth texture.  Feeling how they had come to have the name of “jiggle balls.”  Feeling a spike of arousal from deep within her core.  Feeling the wetness leak from her vaginal walls.

She opened the lube she had purchased and covered the balls, amazed how much more slippery they became.  It gave her the boost of confidence needed to reach down pull off her shorts and panties.  She trembled from a mixture of nerves, excitement, and arousal as she reached down to make sure the first of the two balls was lined up correctly.  Taking a deep breath and gaining a strange sort of power from the email as she read it over once again, she did what she could to force her body to relax as she began to push the first of the two balls into her waiting cunt.

What was probably a few rather short seconds felt like eternity as it pushed against her virginity.  She kept telling herself to relax and breath, the balls were designed to fit.  She kept steady pressure and then suddenly she gasped as the resistance gave way and the first ball slipped completely into her dripping hole.  She laid back against the pillows as she tried to catch her breath and adjust to the sensation of having such an object buried inside of her.

But she still had another one to go so she had to sit up again.  Using the string which connected the two balls as a guide, she pushed the first one as far as she could before starting the process for the second one.  Once again, she kept up a steady pressure until, with a sudden giving way, a sharp gasp to cope with the flash of pain, the second ball slipped in and was swallowed by wet and filled hole.

She had to lay still for a while, adjusting to the sensations caused by the balls buried inside of her, gently knocking against each other and her inner walls.  It was one of the most overwhelming sensations she had ever felt and he had not given her permission to cum.  She had to figure out how to control her body as it teetered on the edge.

As she raised her hand to send him a message to let him know of her compliance, she noticed the blood.  She had assumed her cherry had been popped, but seeing the proof was a bit startling.  She knew that at least some part of her should be ashamed.  But she wasn’t.  She was tired of the pressure to be pure, to always pretend she wasn’t insanely curious.  There was a freedom in doing something she was willing to bet so many of her properly married friends would never have dreamed of doing, or dreamed of her doing.

She went to wash off her fingers, emailed her status update to him, and settled in for a night of squirming as she tried to sleep despite the arousal and instructions to edge as soon as the thought popped into her head.  For he was an ocean away and out with friends for the evening.  If she was lucky, relief would be found when she awoke…just before he went to bed.  She really hoped he was feeling generous after his time out with his friends, even if it meant inflicting more pain or humiliation onto her already highly stimulated body.